The Monster Under Your Bed: How Hidden Fears Leverage Your Leadership
Fear is a powerful thing- one of the most prevalent and potent motivators in our lives for good and ill and it’s even more powerful when what we fear is hidden or able sneak up on us unaware. Each evening of my childhood I made a world class long-jump into my bed so that I wouldn’t come within reach of whatever horrible things I imagined were lurking underneath it. I’m not sure what I believed was stalking me, but once I had it in my head, the fear of it took root and just the threat of it was enough to make me steer clear. I was fine as long as the lights were on, but when the lights went off, I was sure that the monster under the bed would try to grab me if I got too close. So, the long-jump became an unquestioned habit, my standard M.O. Turn off the light, take two steps, and leap for the bed. I see the same principle playing out in all kinds of individual and team settings as our everyday choices and behavior are determined more by our fears than by our aspirations and goals.
The leaders I talk to are unusually focused on goals. They’re men and women with clear notions of the leaders they want to be and the things they want to achieve and yet the choices they make are often shaped more by the hidden things that haunt them than by the overt aspirations they chase. Their past disappointments, hurts, missteps, or failures are always lurking in the dark and the fear of finding themselves in those spots again makes them do all kinds of things to avoid it. It’s unconscious and insidious, the sneaky culprit causing missteps, misreading, miscalculating, overcompensating, and more.
The truth is, protecting ourselves from the monsters under the bed is a natural instinct and we all do it. We all fear that we’ll be that guy, make that mistake, wind up in that situation again and we all work hard to keep those fears from becoming reality. Here’s the trick to keeping this normal instinct for self-preservation from sabotaging or derailing your leadership: Turn on the light. Past failures, doubts, and fears are scariest and strongest when they’re allowed to stalk you in the dark. So, own them. Acknowledge them. Square your shoulders and name them. This doesn’t make them disappear altogether, but it takes most of their power away and keeps them from leveraging your choices when you’re not looking. Take the time individually or as a team to take stock of any past failures, difficult experiences, or hidden fears that might be influencing your decisions or interactions and drag ‘em out from under the bed into the light.
Check out these quick take videos on Fear (From Dr. J’s Five Foundations of Accountability: Cultivating Commitment in Teams):